Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
