finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize