Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
