i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
