i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
