another moral hangover. fuck.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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