Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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