if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
