grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
