should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
