GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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