hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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