dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize