Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize