Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
