She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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