best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
