So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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