I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
