2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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