Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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