Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
