I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't put those talents on a resume
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
