I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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