im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
