on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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