you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
