goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
