garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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