I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
