Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
