Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's the barista slut.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize