I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
