My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
