I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
