After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
