Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
