he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
