It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
