there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
