Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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