I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
