You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
