I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
