Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
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Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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