the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
