when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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