just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
