I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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