so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Fuck appropriateness.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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