If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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