why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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