Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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