put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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