whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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