I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
