Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize