the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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