YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
