Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am naked and annoyed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
