i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
