He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Drake has all the answers
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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