This is not my ceiling
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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