Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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