what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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