remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
